Dr. Elena Gallows was fit. She had to be. Dealing with troubled cops was her specialty and though the battles were all mental, they wore hard on her body. She’d just come in from a morning kickboxing workout and was making a smoothie in the kitchenette of her office in little Tokyo, just 2 blocks from LAPD Headquarters. She was ready to take on the day, even ready to take on the surprise of Detective Rhea Porter knocking on her door. Their first and last session nearly two months ago was testy and when Rhea cut it short and left, Gallows didn’t really expect her back. Rhea looked good, though. Calmer.
“No I don’t. I look like crap.” Rhea answered the shrink’s compliment.
“Here we go.” Gallows thought but Rhea softened.
“Sorry I didn’t make an appointment. Do you have time for me?”
Gallows checked the clock. “I have twenty minutes.” she said then added. “It’s not going to be any easier.”
“I don’t care. I just need it to be fast.” Rhea informed her.
“That’s up to you.” Gallows slammed back.
The Doctor gestured to a seat next to a potted orchid. Rhea sat, the orchid caught her eye. It was fake. Gallows prided herself on being healthy and all-natural, yet here she was with a fake orchid. This made the doctor somehow flawed in Rhea’s eyes. It made her opinion matter less. Still, she needed the doctor on her side. She needed the doctor to tell Strickland that she was cured of her need for young men so he’d put her back on the squad.
“Nice orchid.” Rhea smiled.
“Thank you.” Gallows responded. “Ready?”
“Ready.” she told the shrink.
“Let’s start with your sister.” Gallows dove in.
“OK.”
“Do you feel responsible?”
“Oh… we’re starting there.”
“Yep. You want fast. Let’s do it.”
“Ok…” Rhea let out a breath, “Yes.”
“You feel responsible.”
“I am responsible.”
“So you seek out men… young men… who cannot love you to punish yourself.”
“I seek out men who can fuck a lot for a long time because it stops me from thinking about dead kids, missing kids, abducted kids, homeless kids and how there is nothing I can do to stop it.”
“You could start with yourself.”
“No comparison. He wasn’t a kid. He was legal age and I don’t do that anymore, doctor.” Rhea lied, “Not in awhile.
Gallows checked Rhea’s file. “The one you were caught with – Kevin?”
Rhea nodded and reminded her. “Eighteen. He was eighteen.”
“So Detective Sergeant Strickland recommended suspending you because…?”
“He said it looked bad. To the division.”
“The Exploited Kids Division.” Gallows said, emphasizing “kids”.
“He was eighteen.” Rhea repeated.
“And a pro.” Gallows added.
Rhea opened her hands, gesturing that either she didn’t know or it didn’t matter, then added, “That’s on him.”
Gallows let it go. She had another direction to explore: “Maybe Detective Strickland was also concerned about you.” She told Rhea.
There was no way Rhea was gonna tell a shrink who worked for the force that Strickland had a thing for her; that maybe he was jealous; that maybe he was inappropriately using authority to punish her for his desire. Rhea couldn’t prove any of it and Gallows would take months delving into it. Gallows was a shrink. And shrinks loved shrinking. Better to give her less to shrink about.
“Maybe…” Rhea answered.
“Do you like being a cop?” Gallows asked, changing direction again.
“Yes.” Rhea answered.
“Why?”
“I like busting bad guys.”
“You feel like you’re making a difference?”
“No. I’ve busted forty-two preds in seventeen years. Each time I thought it was going to change things– well, at least slow down the horror. It did not make one bit of difference. Kid trafficking”, she answered, emphasizing ‘kid’, — is a booming business.”
“So… forty-two days out of seventeen years you liked your job?”
“No. I like going to work. I like chasing some bastard down. I like thinking it might be the one who took Aggie. I still like thinking I might find her.”
Gallows checked her file again, “It’s been how long–?”
“Twenty two years. She was five.” they were both quiet for awhile. “There’s a chance.” Rhea affirmed.
“OK. Look, Detective–” Gallows sounded blunt–
“I’m done with them. With younger men.” Rhea interrupted.
Gallows ignored her, “You are not going to get your job back if you don’t stop–”
“I have stopped–” Rhea interrupted.
Gallows carried on, “–if you don’t sop with the boys–”
“Young men.” Rhea corrected her.
Gallows continued, “And you can’t stop until you stop the need to destroy yourself.”
“No–” Rhea shook her head.
“I know this is tough–”
“No no no–” Rhea went on.
“But to do that, we have to get you to a place where you can feel good about yourself and to do that–”
“Don’t say it–” Rhea kept on.
“–like I told you before, you will have to forgive yourself for what happened to your sister.”
Without hesitation, Rhea affirmed, “Not gonna happen.”
“It can be powerful. Forgiveness.”
Rhea matched her, “My power is guilt.”
Gallows looked at the clock. Time was up. She shook Rhea’s hand and held on to it as she looked her in the eye. “Fridays are good. Before nine or after four thirty. When you’re ready.” Gallows smiled then let go.
Rhea left.
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